FORGOT YOUR DETAILS?

Types of Runners

by / Wednesday, 16 March 2016 / Published in sport

 

Keep Plodding!

Keep Plodding!

A lady runs laps of our estate dressed in a fur coat.  She comes around every few days and seems to do laps of the various other estates in the area. She hasn’t got much faster over the past few years, just plods along in whatever her quest is [insert here fitness / lose weight / health / stress reduction etc]. Fair play to her, this estate lapping plodder she doesn’t care what anyone else thinks, she lives in her own little running world. It got me to thinking about different types of runners that you see repeatedly and what categories I could organise them in… just for fun! In fact these categories of people could be translated to most sports (swimming, cycling, triathlon etc) they all have the same characters, so I have included some alternative examples below. I have assigned genders to most of them just for realism but in reality most could be either gender.  Anyone here you recognise or any categories you would add that I have missed?

 

The Plodder – As above! These folks plod along at their own pace, happy just to be moving forwards with the absolute minimum of facial or any other expressions as these would only waste valuable energy. They can be any age, any size and either gender. Really they express what sport is all about – doing your own thing at your own pace for your own reasons!

 

Heart Attack Man – You hear this man before you see him.  Tongue out, breathing heavily, gasping for air, grabbing the air with their arms and stumbling along with their feet.  Sometimes race organisers actually have an ambulance following this runner, as they look like they might need it at any point.  But they don’t, they keep going and their heart has been hanging in there for so long it doesn’t know what else to do and they will outlast the lot of us!

Heart Attack Runner

Heart Attack Runner

 

The Model – She looks like she just walked out of the beauticians and the race is nothing but an elaborate catwalk for her! Neither a freckle nor an eyelash is out of place and god forbid it rains as it will ruin her hair. Unfortunately she will never win a race as it would entail sweating which is unhygienic and will spoil the make-up, but it makes her day just seeing all the other women in the race grumbling about her.

Model Runner

Model Runner

 

Robocop – The tech dude! Has every technological gadget under the sun and likes to show them off.  No point buying them if you cant show everyone them! Gets a real buzz telling other people how they work and how effective they are at making you faster.  Laughs at other people who prefer to train by how they feel, after all it’s not the eighties!  Wastes a lot of his time doing statistics and pie charts instead of training and thus never really lives up to the potential of his gadgetry…

Robocop

Robocop

 

The Young Ones – every race has a few youngsters in it and their main purpose is to annoy us older ones.  Not a care in the world and probably cycled to the race and will cycle home via a game of basketball with his mates and a football match in the park. Energy to burn and no knowledge what to do with it.  You’ll hear the odd grumble from older folks, “Sure he’s carrying no weight” and “If I was that age again…” but these runners don’t pose any real long-term threat as soon they will find girls and eventually alcohol and that will set them back decades like the rest of us.

They Are Getting Younger!

They Are Getting Younger!

 

The Guy That Looks Like a Pro… (a distant relative of Robocop)! These guys look good and appear to be fast, they probably line up at the head of the pack as well… and they look every inch a professional until they start running! Unfortunately those go-faster stripes on their brand new top-of-the-range gear aren’t working and it just gives you twice the satisfaction when you pass him 🙂 .

Looks like a PRO... Comes last!

Looks Fast… Comes last!

 

The Groupie – in reality is a better talker than runner and doesn’t let running get in the way of her favourite pastime of a good old natter. (PIC OF TALKING LANE). The groupie can only run in groups and doesn’t get why you would want to run on your own – sure who would you talk to?! Thinks of run distances merely in terms of how much gossip she can pick up during it.

Groupies!

Groupies!

 

The Musician – their power comes from their earphones so they will never be seen without them.  Music is a must, to drown out those awful natural noises like birds singing, trees blowing and waves lapping. Their nemesis is The Groupie but thankfully they can easily drown out all the chatter with music.  Volume levels must be loud, beat must be fast and base levels can often be heard about 20 yards away. All these guys are interested in talking about is ‘Favorite Running Songs’ but talk slowly as for some reason their hearing isn’t great.

Listen!

Nice Speakers!

 

The Joker – this guy could be a world champion if he directed half the energy into running that he does into messing. Whatever you do don’t run beside this guy and if you hear him coming then run faster!  He’ll take great pleasure in slowing you down to tell stories and jokes, will probably be videoing everything and will want photos.  There is a fair chance he’ll stop at every pub along the route for an obligatory refreshment.   However if you are having a bad race this guy can lift the spirits and keep you going, he will be easy to find as he is probably dressed up as a chicken or sumo wrestler.

Nice Outfit!

Nice Outfit!

 

The Drafter – one of the more annoying characters in running, you don’t see this guy until the last 50 meters when he passes you.  Until then he has been sucking the energy out of you the whole race as well as having to listen to him breathing down your neck. A good early tactic can be to slow down, let him pass and then do the same to him, or just drop some wind and see him back-off!

 

The Natural – these folks don’t need to train, they can just turn up and run a marathon.  Naturally fit and fast they love to rub other runners nose in it by telling them just how little training they have done and what injuries they have been carrying. Nobody likes a show-off and anyway half of the enjoyment is in the training (or so we try to tell ourselves). These guys are actually compulsive liars and have been secretly training for months…

The Natural!

The Natural!

TOP Real Time Analytics